Coveting

So I finally convinced myself to stay for church service this past Sunday, and I'm so glad that I did. I usually volunteer with kids at 9am and then head home, missing the sermon for that day. They are doing a series called, "Age of Kings", and I missed week one, but yesterday was week 2. Here is a little of what it was about and how we can relate it to our owns lives (these are just some of the notes I took):

Have you ever wanted something soooo bad? And you dont even see it coming, it just pops up! Getting your heart set on something & being consumed. Ahab wanted a vegetable garden on land that wasn't his (1 Kings 21:1-5). What starts out as a "want" turns into a "need" which = coveting. Now when I first heard this word, I thought it meant infidelity... I just looked it up and it means to yearn to posses or have something. Also to wish for longingly. Who hasn't had those feelings before? The pastor was saying how coveting was the "gateway sin". Ahab pouted about not being able to do this, so he & his wife/lady Jezebell made it happen. I definitely need to read more about it, but I think they had to kill some peeps to get what they wanted. Messed up!

This whole sermon really helped me out. The so-called answer is to confess this to God and pray, just asking for help with coveting, whatever it is. In my case lately, I don't feel like its the actual guy that I want - maybe its the attention or that feeling that someone likes to talk to you/spend time with you? It's that chemistry and that connection that I miss, having with a guy. I think I got a glimpse of that, but a very short one. I just need to pray and ask God to turn me in a new direction.

This is a question the pastor asked: Is it worth it to shrink your life down to that thing?

Noooo. It's not. Of course it's not! But sometimes my feelings feel like a separate part of me that I can't control; but we all know that's not true. I'm the only one who can have a hold on my feelings. But man, it seems so hard and like running into a brick wall. I think I just feel like I wasn't good enough or lost at something. Not pretty enough, not skinny enough etc etc of course, all the usuals. There was just something that happened that made my self confidence shrink.

Aaaaah... Life DOES go on. Time heals all my wounds, big and small. At least I just had chocolate cake with my fam. And good chocolate cake - the chocolate ganache from Publix! :)





Can I just say...

Can I just say how incredibly frustrated I am with E-Harmony? I thought I'd give it a shot, not hoping for too much, but you never know, right? It was just a "shot-in-the-dart" moment I had to try... but reeeeally?? Really?? Is this what I'm comparable with?!?! I'm not saying I'm a 10, but c'mon! Give a girl some slack! I'm not super picky at all, but... yeah. You have to at least be attracted to someone, to start any kind of relationship. They don't even have to be "hot" or "sexy" - I love a cute guy! So this is an example of what I've been getting back on EH:

I am SURE that Michael from Athens is the biggest sweetheart, but not the sweetheart for me unfortunately.

And may I just say that I am AWFUL at taking pictures of myself?!?! I try so hard to get good makeup and hair ones, but man, I can't get it! Apparently my arms don't reach far enough back to get good ones. This is the best one (yet) of one of my messy buns:

My hair looks auburn/red in this one. Well duh, that's because I dyed it back in May. I miss my brown hair though :( I've gotten so many compliments on the red color, but it's just not me.

Also, my Spanx, God love them, but man, when I take them off:

1) I look like I've been bitten by a shark (That big thick line indented down my stomach) and

2) Holy sweat! Ugh!

Oooooo! So I have a non-complaint! :) I got a light-bulb moment on Monday 6/18/12 I believe it was... and I want to go on some sort of mission trip through my church. I've always thought it'd be awesome, but have never pursued it. I got the light-bulb moment, just sitting here at work, and immediately pulled up my church's website and started looking. I describe my "light-bulb" moments as maybe a calling from God or a little tap on the shoulder from Him. I love getting those! :)

So any who, I have to first apply for a trip and then get accepted. I can't apply yet, until I've applied for a passport - so that is in the works (I got my passport picture taken yesterday - whee!). But the first available trip I could go on (if I am accepted) is to South Africa in January 2013. I'd feel pretty good with going anywhere; I'd feel like wherever God wants me to serve is where I'll be placed. So that is pretty flippin' awesome to even think about. I'm not scared at all and am pretty excited! I just feel that this is the thing I need to concentrate on right now and NOT who my next crush will be! There are such bigger things in life, than worrying about guys - I have to remind myself of that DAILY! I said in an earlier blog that I needed to "shake things up" in my life and I tell ya, I think this is it! :)

Just the girls

My heart feels pretty big tonight. I have two wonderful girlfriends in my life (code names Wo & Shell) and they really impacted my day today. They always do, but I really needed them today & they were both right there. There aren't too many people in life that you can be your true self around & let your guard down. I just thank the Lord for them; they are true angels to me! Sometimes I feel undeserving of their friendship, but I'm really so blessed to have them in my life. :)

Just some random thoughts for the day: 1. I'm "meh" about the new Dallas on TNT. Just can't get into it. (Probably all the reality tv I'm hooked on!) 2. My IPad will not "enter" and separate lines. Just sayin, it's him, not me. 3. I Nair-ed my upper lip tonight. Step on up guys! Ha ha. Haaa... 4. I'm slowly getting to that season of life, where all I want to do is read blogs, do my makeup, hair, and nails. Of course it mainly happens while I'm at work - no offense awesome job. 5. I am so ready for something incredible to happen in my life. Who doesn't want that though, right? I need to be shaken up a bit!

Hey, it's okay!

First things first, I totally just saw this on a blog & thought, "What a cute idea!". So I wouldn't say I necessarily stole this idea... just admirably borrowing it? No harm, no foul in my book - just spreading the love. Actually got this from this hilarious girl's blog:

iamhellonheels.blogspot.com/

Here goes!

This is this week's, "Hey, it's okay..."

• It's okay if you take four naps in one day. Seriously, when was the last time you did that, when you were 2?!?! Embrace it!! Especially if it is on a rainy day - it's reeeeally okay then!
• It's okay if you can't WAIT for the movie, "Magic Mike", to come out in theaters (June 29th people, happy birthday to me!) I know ladies are excited for it to come out, but I feel like I'm on a different level of excitement...
• It's also okay if you feel a little guilty pleasure watching all those durrrty shows! The Client List on Lifetime, Real Housewives of OC/NYC/NJ on Bravo!, and The Bachelorette on ABC. Really, where else can we take the focus out of our own lives and focus in on someone else? = FUN!
• I guess it's okay if I'm re-thinking that line I just wrote above... not to be sooo serious, but I/we can all take time to submerge and focus on our God. Helloooo... duh.
• It's okay if when I see a woman walk into my office with an Edible Arrangement, for 5 seconds, I think it is from my secret admirer. I don't even have a secret admirer, lesbihonest! Every time I see a delivery of flowers, balloons, fruit, etc. I think, "Gasp! This is it! It's for me, from someone who things I'm wonderful!!" Aaaah a girl can dream! Maybe one day...

Have a wonderful Monday errbody! Now it's time to go eat some yummy fruit! (Don't worry, my co-worker offered her Edible Arrangement to everyone!)

What a weak week!

Well to start things off, I'm not sure if my week could get any crappier. Let's be honest, it could; I'm a very lucky girl for what I have & need to stop sulking over it. But dang! What shit this week!! :( The first part of the week - I'm slowly, but surely bringing my head out of the ground for that one. I definitely feel like this is a movie & I am the overweight girl that the studly guy befriends, and talks to about the girl he is smitten with. I'm not even kidding! If he was gay, he would be my gay best friend. We talk all the time, have a lot in common, etc. I feel like Patty Stanger, the matchmaker. Can guys & girls be good/best friends without any romantic feelings being involved?? Who knows, maybe he can set me up with someone! So that was mainly Monday that all happened (read previous blog for full story). Last night, Tuesday night, I was about to fall asleep & I hear a big crash downstairs. I jump up, throw my shorts on (I'm a t-shirt girl in the bed) & race downstairs. It's dark, but can see the dogs & my mom turning the corner. I say, "Are you okay?!?!" and she continues to scurry around the corner. I know she heard me, even if she didn't see me. She scurried to her room & I turned on a light to see if I could figure out what happened. Sure enough, there was scattered glass on the hardwood floor and a broken picture frame. I'm not sure what happened, but I am 100% positive she was drunk. I'm guessing she ran into the table & knocked it over. Fact is, she left glass all over the floor, right where our dogs could've stepped on it. I don't know if she was embarrassed and didn't want to face me or what. So I cried for a while and texted two friends until about midnight. I am beyond frustrated with the drinking. I seriously don't understand addiction, but it has got to hell to stop something like that. She's tried to stop (or at least watch her quantity) before & been successful; but it always comes back. I'm so mad about it because she admits she drinks too much, but then continues to drink a bottle of wine a night. I don't know if she wants to get better? I feel like I'm watching her kill herself. I especially love how I see this, get upset & then think the best think for me to do is have a drink. Fucked up, right? My mom's dad was a violent alcoholic & she seems to be a functioning alcoholic (praise God not violent). So where does that leave my sister, brother and myself? Will this be one of us in 20 years?? I pray to God that it won't be and that we can "learn" from this. Is it genetic though - I'm sure that may have a hand in this. It is the most helpless feeling to see someone you love so much go through this. Especially a parent. So this has been my week. Things happen in 3's right? So what will happen today...

Wine for dinner?

Sigh... This is one of those days where I contemplate drowning my sorrows in wine. I have the worst way of getting my hopes up high. And over things that someone on the outside would say, "Amy, let's be serious. You don't have a chance in hell". I have come to have a crush (I know, I know) on someone. Just something about having a "crush". The feelings I've felt this past week are totally foreign to me; I haven't had them since literally 2009 (or what I can think). It's just that feeling that someone (who seems) amazing, may like you. Butterflies is an understatement. So pretty much, I think he told me today that he is interested in my girlfriend and not myself. I should be relieved if anything, because in all reality, I just got out of a relationship. I know I need time for me, but I miss having those feelings for someone. I miss being excited seeing a text from them or smiling ear to ear after seeing them. God love my ex, but I'm now seeing that I didn't have those type of feelings for him. I hate that too. That wasn't fair to him or myself. I think I got to the point where I thought, "I guess this is what it's supposed to be like". I had always dated the so-called bad boys before my ex, and when I met him, I thought that was it - just because he was such a Godly, trustworthy guy. I just feel a fool tonight, for letting myself get so wrapped up. I guess it is the attention and it makes you feel good and like you're worth something. I could've literally walked off a cliff earlier today haha. I have to keep my God as my #1 and let no guy/man get in the way of that. That is so much easier said than done, but I have to remind myself of that. And don't worry, I had baked spaghetti for dinner, not wine. :D