MD Holiday Monday Funday

So this past weekend was Memorial Day. It was good to remember all of those who have fought for our freedom and the ones who are still fighting. What a brave life they lead. I couldn't even imagine. They are real-life superheros.

I was lucky enough to have the day off on Monday (yesterday) and was able to head to the park with some friends, that I have met before, but never really get to hang out with. I had THE best time! I really needed a day like that. I laughed a ton, ate chicken & threw the football around. That's a good day for me :)

I also started feeling like a giddy school girl around one of the guys. He was just super funny and we just seemed to have the same interests. Not too bad on the eyes either, hi-yo! But it hasn't even been a month since my last relationship, so not saying anything, just sayin... It was outstanding to have that feeling. I smiled the whole way home. Not counting on anything with it, but again, it was just amazing to feel that way again. It's been way too long that I've felt like that. I miss that feeling. Aaaaaaaaaah. Girls, you know what I'm talking about.

Here is the link to the park we went to:

http://www.sandyspringsga.org/City-Departments/Recreation-and-Parks/Parks-and-Facilities/Morgan-Falls-Overlook-Park

It was ah-mazing! I think it's pretty new; very clean, on a lake, fire pits, grills, etc.

Some people just disappoint the hell out of me. And by some people, I mean guys. Every form of them: the nice ones, the assholes, etc. Maybe I'm just expecting too much. Or maybe I'm expecting some kind of fairy tale to happen. I could really go for a Noah from The Notebook right now. Now he was a charmer and I don't think he'd disappoint :D Aaaaaah. I will dream about it.

Movin' on up

Sooo... I may be moving this summer! Hooray! A friend of mine got in touch with me last week, about possibly being roommates. She's someone who I've chatted with a handful of times, but don't know in-depth, 100% well. But we have a lot of the same friends and she's good people! :D

It'd be a lot closer to work (plus!), closer to church & other friends too. We're going to meet tonight, also with the girl who owns the home, to chit chat about it all. We're going to go to dinner and then go to the house (Yay!). I totally had a stalker moment last Sunday and drove by the neighborhood! Maria (possible roomie) had given me the general location, so I wanted to see if I could find it, what it looked like, etc. CUTEST little neighood ever! Cute little sidewalks, two-car garages, long driveways & a pool! :D I don't know the exact house either, so it wasn't completely stalker-ish in my defense. The homes and neighborhood look so great on the outside; I'm curious to see what they look like on the inside. I hope it works out... I have a good feeling about it. But it's also cautiuos too - just living with someone I don't know extremely well (may be a good thing though & she is super cool, honest, etc.) and moving on my own in general. But I need that!

She would be bringing her doggie too! So Halle would have a new friend :) It will probably be either June, July or August that I'd move. So we'll see...!

I'm feeling better about the boys-guys-men situation in my life. For about 2 weeks, I felt like I desperately needed to be kissed well! Haha, I do, but seriously, my lips are still going to be available in the next couple of months. They're not going anywhere and there's no time limit on it lol. I'm feeling more settled with my single-ness. It's still weird, but getting more used to it I guess. I'm not so on edge & concerend about guys like I have been the past few weeks. Whatever happens will happen. I want to put my efforts in other things right now and just have fun, be footloose and fancy free as they say. Summer is approaching... just sayin' :D

Fun Saturday, Sad Saturnight

Had the best day today with my girl Jen! We walked, shopped, ate lunch & saw, "What to Expect When You're Expecting". Soooo cute and a great Atlanta movie! We saw a store in the movie, that we had been in earlier in the day! Awesome representing! Soooo... It's the Saturnight, that's hard tonight. Almost feeling down & out, & desperate to be honest. Not desperate for anything, just lonely in a way I guess. I miss talking to someone on the way home. I always called him driving home. I miss that. And of course I saw pictures of him on FB tonight, from a race earlier today. It's just that hard time I guess. I could really use a Magic Mike right now to cheer me up :D and he's gotta wear a bow tie & dance! I feel sometimes like asking myself, who am I kidding? Sometimes I feel so confident, but really? Should I? I have no sense of myself sometimes, if that makes any sense. I realize I'm not as small as other girls & not every guy I think is attractive, will think that I'm attractive. Meh. Clearly it's a pity party for me tonight. I know it'll get better & better nights are ahead of me. We can't always have things, right when WE want them. It's truly not all about guys either. (I have to remind myself of that a lot lately) I do need to keep my God at #1 and everything else will fall into place.

Gotta get down on Friday

I'm having a weird day today. It's one of those days where you have an allergy attack (sinus related), have sneezed about 20-30 times by 3pm, and sneeze so hard that your drooling and peeing in your pants. Bring on the single men! Haha, wow! I can't help it though! I'm praying this allergy business doesn't last through the afternoon to this evening. I'm going to my small group leaders wedding (Katie!) and I'm excited beyond words! The whole small group is going to be there! All at once! This is like, the pinnacle of my life right now :) What am I going to do after this wedding? What will I have to look forward to?!?! I'm so ecstatic that Katie has found Mr. Right. I can relate to her because we've both dated some not-so-great guys in our past; so we both know what that's like. It gives me hope that I can find 'the one' one day. At least the one for me - not perfect by any means - but perfect for me.

I really want to put a hose up my nose right now :( Hopefully this stuff will fade by tonight. I have a lot of dancing, smiling and laughing to do tonight :) Love ma' girls!!

The Breakup

So, he and I finally, actually broke up a few days ago. I had and still have the biggest, heaviest feeling, that it was the right thing to do. I guess I do feel like I have a weight lifted off of my shoulders. Not that the "weight" was him, but I guess just the fighting, arguing, nit-picking (on my part), etc. I'm going okay, but when I try to start to think about things and him, I almost start to panic, so I have to quickly think about something else. It's very weird and numbing - breakups. Even if it's for the best or what you wanted, it's still so hard. That other person becomes like your other half (or at least to me he was like that). He was my go-to guy, my buddy, my friend. My heart hurts that I've lost all of that. But I know we couldn't have broken up and still remained friends or talk every day.

One thing that is crazy and ridiculous to do, is to change your relationship status on Facebook. Good Lord, I shake my head at that. I mean, it's so silly, but you feel obligated to do it. He did it first, so I followed the next day. A few people messaged me and said that they were praying for me, which was really sweet and kind. Of course, I get the one from someone who I never see and when I do it's very "surface" talk. She/he said in the message, "Oh my gosh Amy, I saw your post! What happened?!?!" ... What the crap do you think happened?? And honestly, it's none of your business! Why in the world would I share with them, when I see them maybe... twice a year? If a good friend asked me that, of course, I'd spill the beans, but c'mon! Grrrr. It's just annoying and stupid.

I feel like I'm kind of floating around right now. Everyone has said that I seem to be doing so well with all of this. I guess I'm just trying to stay busy with other things and not think about it; because when I start thinking/analyzing it, I start to almost panic. Thank GOD for my girlfriends and my family. Close girl friends and my small group girls = love! They have been so sweet and just been there for me through all of this, checking up on me, planning girls nights, etc. I would definitely be lost without them. <3

I'm a ...

Wow. I feel like such a b- this morning. I actually got mad over walking out to flowers on my car. I was running late anyways and that was my excuse for, "Oh geez, I gotta find a vase, put these in water, etc!". How un-grateful am I?? The flowers came along with a ziploc bag full of cards I had previously given "him", a 1-song cd he made for me and a little note. He said he couldn't sleep in the note, so I'm guessing he either came late in the night or early this morning.

I guess the real reason I'm upset is because we talked for a long time last night - like 3 different times - and each time we were both crying. He has some things he wants to try, but I've already thrown my hands up in the air and given up. I don't feel like he's understanding that either and I'm probably not saying  it very clearly either. I told him if anything, I need to work on myself, need some space, etc. His response: "I don't see why we can't work on ourselves, together". He wants to go to church together and put this relationship back around Christ. I'VE BEEN WANTING TO DO THIS FOR THE PAST 6 MONTHS!!! Sorry. It's just frustrating because I've been trying to "work" on things and "wait it out" for about 6 months now, and he's juuust now getting it - that things aren't working out well. I told him that and that I feel like we are on two seperate pages, I'm two steps ahead of him, etc. He's at the point where he's saying, "I'll do anything to fix this" etc.

I just feel smothered and I'm completely exhausted. I need a vacay for about a month or two. Beach preferred.

Sunday Funday!

So it's Sunday and I have so much to do, but I feel like this needs to be a fun-ass day. Gotta do laundry, grocery shopping and such; but I wanna paint my nails sparkly pink, go on a bike ride & drink a marg outside. I got surprised yesterday and was invited out for a marg with one of my small group girls, Kylie. It was so nice & fun! I feel like we both needed it!! :) So, of course, I want to do that again today haha! Kylie and I have never really hung out on our own, so yesterday was perfect. We shared a lot, laughed a lot and "cheers"d to sucky boys :) I do feel like this weekend is a new-ish start for me. I dyed my hair Friday night... It's a dark, auburn red color. Apparently it's not so subtle either! Everyone I run into immediately looks & says, "Did you do something to your hair?!?!" Man!! It's usually not that obvious with me! But I'm stoked about it :) I do have a habit of changing my hair color, when something in my life changes (read earlier post). I'm ready for what's ahead of me, whatever it is. Church is about to start (totally writing in church), so Happy Sunday! :)

End of a chapter

Breakups are always hard - especially for me. I've always been the one getting dumped and have always tried to hold on to someone as long as I can. Of course because I love them and care about them, even if things aren't working. Maybe it's the fear of not wanting to be alone? Who knows. But that's been me for the past 10 years or so (however long I've been dating).

But this time, I almost feel guilty for how I feel and how "okay" I am with things. I feel like I've felt this way for months now, and maybe that's why it's a little easier. I have a pretty clear view on things and just a strong feeling that this "isn't it". It's heartbreaking though, because you become part of that person's family and we've been together almost two years. I don't regret anything, but I wonder to myself... So what have I been doing the past two years and why is this happening? Maybe we should've known sooner? He even said he had so many doubts our first year and almost walked away a few times... Maybe he should have?

I've honestly been through a lot worse than this one. I guess this is just different because I feel like it's mainly my decision. I'm pretty ready to let go and he wants to keep trying, give us some time, etc. But I already know. :(

Ahhh... So something happened last night, that has NEVER happened before in my life. I prayed with my mama - holding hands and all, just me and her, talking to the Lord.

She's going through a hard time with her work and has a big, important meeting today. She's been so down and you can tell it is wearing on her - both physically and of course, emotionally. My mom has stated she believes in God and she even says, "I like to pray to God and Jesus, to cover all the bases!". <3 But she doesn't regularly attend church and all that jazz. I don't think that lessens your faith in God; but it helps to be involved in a church, be in a small group, etc.

I came to her last night in her room and asked if I could pray for her. I couldn't see her reaction because she had turned off the lights for bed (it was 8:30pm and yup, that's my mom), but there was a pause and she said, "I would love that". :)

I had thought about it for about 5-10 minutes while I was making my lunch for the next day - about asking to pray with her. I felt like I would've regretted it if I hadn't and I felt a strong enough feeling to ask her about it. Sometimes I feel like people need that extra prayer and comfort for one another. If it's prayer in hard times or good times - we need it. We need to be able to come to one another and lean on one another in prayer. Of course it can be awkward, but it just felt natural to do it last night. And seriously - what bad can come from it (nothing in my book!). My mama thanked me again this morning, hugged me and said, "That was just so nice last night". I wished her luck and told her to let me know how her meeting goes.

I feel too that God sometimes comes to us for us to lead other people to Him. I'm very, very passive, not a leader, more of a follower, etc. So for me to do what I did last night was HUGE thing - even if it was for my mama. It felt amazing to lead like that - just in a short, minute prayer. I hope I get the urge to do that stuff again.