Ma' favs!

Heyler!! I was thinking today, "I should write on my blog...", and all I could think about was some of my favorite things lately! There is a lot to be thankful for (all the time of course) and I have some things on my mind that just make me happy as a clam.

First off... um... THE BACHELOR IS COMING BACK!!!



Sean Lowe... your next Bachelor... mmmm...

I saw a preview the other night when I was watching the final of Dancing with the Stars on ABC. Whoo hoo! I'm pretty sure it'll start the first week of January. Whenever it is, I'm excited! (So much for trying to limit my tv watching...)

 

#2: RHOBH! Aka: Real Housewives of Beverly Hills on Bravo

 

 

Love love love this show and this group of ladies of course. There's just something about BH... maybe it's the poshness and classiness of the gals? Who knows, but it's my fav! I do though, I do have a little sadness about it because Camille is no longer on the show. She does have little appearances though, which is better than none; but she really grew on me! I didn't like her on the first season of the show - that Kelsey didn't look good on her! But loves her now!

 

Camille Donatacci Grammer (fierce!)

#3: Chrima' lights! I squeal like a 4 year old child when I see these babies! If it's a house, building, tree, etc. It can really be anything - I light up! There's just something about them... I guess it's something we (well the majority of us) don't have all year round', so it's like a little treat / something special for us!

 

Amazeballs

#4: Operation Christmas Child - This is a wonderful organization that I had to priviledge to serve with last night. In a nutshell: They organize & fill shoeboxes full of goodies for children in other countries. I don't know too much about them so far, but would love to work with them again and learn more. My church actually organizated a big shoe box drive and had a ton of people/families fill shoeboxes and donate them! They contain anything from candy, socks, shoes, clothing, toys, games, etc. - literally, whatever can fit into a shoebox.

 

 

Look at those faces!!

 





Here is me taping up the boxes (it was an assembly line if you will! I've always wanted to work in a warehouse!) - it was actually harder than you think; those boxes were packed full!! The boxes we worked on last night were actually being shipped to India. It's awesome to get a thought of where they are really going!

Amazing team from church!

So that's about it for now - I didn't want to put too many pictures! But it's definitely great to focus on the good, exciting things in life, rather than the bad. It's really the little things - whether it's a tv show or volunteering. Do what makes ya happy :)

Patiently being patient... or at least trying to

Ah... patience is a virtue, right? That's what you hear at least, but what does that reeeally mean? If you're patient, you'll get virtue? Virtue is described as moral excellence, goodness, righteousness, etc. But how long do we wait and be patient?

Sometimes it feels like forever, when it's really only been two weeks. Ha! Ah, to be a girl... I've been trying so hard to be patient and let God take the reins in this life of mine. I feel like He definitely has the reins, but sometimes I want to know too soon and just can't wait to find stuff out. This includes my career, where I'm living at the moment and of course - guys. I feel like I'm doing pretty good with trying not to think about it (not just guys, but everything), but I feel too like if I don't think about it, how can I be prepared for anything? What am I preparing for? I should know I'm fine and safe with God...

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you," declares the Lord, "and will bring you back from captivity." Jeremiah 29:11-14

Some days it gets hard - being patient. You want to take things into your own hands. I think when we turn to God and hand it all over to Him, that is the most uplifting and honorable thing to do. We have to have trust in Him and let Him lead this life, that He's made for us. <3 

In the blink of an eye

I feel like I wrote my previous post maybe 2 weeks ago and had learned about a young girl named Summer Dale. Summer went to Heaven last night, Sunday November 11, 2012.

My co-worker came into work this morning and shared the news of Summer's passing. Here is a little blip from Summer's Facebook page:
 

"We are so sorry to report that we lost our sweet Summer tonight. She was sixteen years old. She died peacefully in her bedroom, surrounded by her entire family. We are heartbroken.

She was courageous to the end. She recently told a close family friend, “Promise me you will let everyone know, especially my friends, that I’m not scared of this. I am not afraid.”

Throughout her year of battling cancer, and even as recently as three weeks ago, Summer said that cancer was a blessing to her because it had brought so many wonderful people and experiences into her world. Indeed, it transformed her by teaching her the power of helping others and loving unconditionally.

In less than a year, the non-profit organization that Summer founded, Team Summer, raised more than $50,000 to help other kids with cancer like herself. She selected personal gifts for kids she met in hospital clinics and waiting rooms with the mission to “help the kid in the bed.” For example, she gave gas cards to a young boy to spare him a seven-hour bus ride after chemo, a fashion photo shoot to a girl who was in despair over the loss of her hair, and a computer to another boy to keep his active mind occupied during his long treatments.

In Summer’s memory, we will continue with her mission and vision of Team Summer. In lieu of flowers and gifts, we ask that you consider donating to Team Summer at www.teamsummer.org/donate.

This will be Summer’s legacy.

With grateful hearts,

Lynne, Al, Cynthia, Charles and Jordan"

 

I wish I had gotten a chance to meet Summer and just talk to her... It gave me absolute chills what Summer said above (2nd paragraph) about "not being scared". What a brave girl. What a strong girl who fought so hard. Hearing Summer's story makes me put aside the petty things in life for a little bit - those expensive boots, does he like me? what should I do next weekend, etc. Life is insanely precious. I want to love so much and live this life of mine so boldly, because you just don't know sometimes. I'm sure Summer didn't think she'd ever be diagnosed with this cancer. Life sometimes takes us on a different journey than what we plan or hope for. But we take the good and the bad, we adjust and we make the best of things. My prayers are with my co-worker, her family and Summer. I know she's not in any pain right now. I'm thankful for knowing about Summer and knowing her story. She has definitely touched my life.

 

 

 

 

Humbly broken down

It's crazy to me how I go through my everyday life and very rarely feel the way I do today. I get worried about what I look like, what I don't have, how people perceive me, etc. I always try to strive for more or improve myself; I don't literally stop and thank God for what I have and my amazing blessing of a life.

Today at work, we had a lunch to discuss and vote on a family/person we know, who would be in need of a financial donation. I knew of a girl named Molly (through my roommate) who had been in a bad car accident a few years ago and is unfortunately still recovering from it - both physically and financially. Learning more about Molly and what she and her family goes through, makes me so mad at myself. I have no f---ing clue. I always say and think how lucky I am, but do I really know?? I feel like I can't be 'ok' with what I have - I need better/nicer clothes, more beauty products, better food to eat, etc. Its always more.

Throughout this lunch, there were about six other people who shared stories of someone they knew or were actually related to. All of the families and people mentioned are so deserving of this donation and much more. I wish we could give every one of them financial assistance. The last story hit me so hard and shocked me, because I had no clue...

One of my co-workers told the story of her sister-in-law, who is 16 years old and has cancer. Her name is Summer Dale. Claudia mentioned how one day, Summer was so excited to get her learners permit, and the next she was diagnosed with cancer. Summer has already had 3 brain surgeries, due to the tumors in her brain. Claudia said it wasn't so much of a financial need, but more so prayers and well wishes. Another co-worker asked if Summer has a prognosis and Claudia stated that it's "not good" and she is in "clinical trials". As soon as she said those two words, almost everyone gasped and winced. I thought, obviously that's not good, but I wasn't sure what all that meant. I asked someone after and pretty much, there is nothing else to do for Summer and nothing has worked. Still not completely getting it, I looked it up.

Clinical Trials are research studies that involve people. They are the final step in a long process that begins with research in a lab and animal testing. Many treatments used today are the result of past clinical trials.

So pretty much, there is literally no more hope. How heartbreaking. I wasn't even aware of something like this. I can't imagine having to go through that, much less at 16. All that I worried about when I was 16 was getting all of my homework done or who was going to ask me to the homecoming dance that year.

It's days like this that I'm sadly reminded of how precious and special life is. My biggest thing over the weekend was trying to decide if I should buy a pair of boots, that are over $100. I'm so embarrassed of that. I shouldn't be so worried about pleasing anyone else or trying to impress; the only one I need to commit myself to is God.

I'm broken down today, but I needed to be. I think we all need to know about things like this. Our lives aren't perfect and things go wrong, but there is always someone else who is suffering so much more and in pain.

Friday muffins

Happy Friday errbody! I am so excited because I got to bake (from scratch!) last night! I made blueberry cream cheese muffins. I found the recipe from Glamour magazine & have wanted to make it for a while now. I finally broke down, went to Kroger & got all the stuff and made two batches last night!



This is before they headed into the oven



Pretty much you whip all the ingredients together, scoop half in a cupcake tin, put a dab of cream cheese, then cover it with more batter & another dollop of cream cheese on the top. They are delightful! :) I may try it a different way next time: It called for regular cream cheese, light yogurt, flour, etc. So next time I'd be curious about using Greek yogurt, whole wheat flour, etc. - make it a little healthier! I know you can substitute apple sauce for oil maybe? So I will look into that. Here's the recipe:

(This will make 12 BIG muffins)

Ingredients:

7 Tbsp. unsalted butter
3 Tbsp. sunflower or vegetable oil
1 cup low-fat plain yogurt
2 tsp. vanilla extract
3 large eggs
3 & 1/4 cups all-purpose flour
1 Tbsp. baking powder
Just under 1 cup superfine sugar
1/4 tsp. salt
6 oz. blueberries
4 oz. cream cheese


Preheat oven to 400 degrees and line your muffin pan with cupcake wrappers. Melt butter in a medium pan over low heat - stirring to melt. Once melted, remove from heat; whisk in oil, yogurt, vanilla & eggs.

Sift flour & baking powder into a separate, large bowl. Stir in the sugar & salt, then make a well in the middle. "Well" is a opening in the middle (I'm guessing) :)

Pour the yogurt mixutre into the flour well. Lightly FOLD the dry ingredients into the wet using a rubber spatula until the mixture has just come together. Pour in the blueberries, working them into the batter with the bare minimum of stirring; I would continue to FOLD the blueberries in, just until they seemed mixed throughout - but definitely be gentle with them! :) (The mixture will look lumpy)

Spoon half the batter into the prepared baking cups. Dot about 1/2 tsp (this doesn't have to be exact - just a dollop; but make sure you have enough CC for all 12 of your cupcakes) of the cream cheese on top of the batter in each half-filled muffin cup. Add remaining batter, then another 1/2 tsp of cream cheese on each muffin. Bake muffins for 18-20 minutes or until golden. Let them cool in the pan for 10 minutes, then transfer to a rack & let them cool completely. Then you will have...

Trays of yumminess!

I am definitely turning into my mama :) Cooking relaxes her and baking seems to do the same for me. Aaaah... the smell of baked goods in the house isn't too bad either.

Monday mad, not even madness

Good Lordy, do ya ever have those days where people just annoy the ever living ---- out of you?!?! It seems like its on purpose too. Hence, "I did that because I like giving you a hard time McCain, bahahahahaha!!" ... Lucky I didn't introduce my open palm to your face.

I'm definitely feeling like a green monster today & one that has flames/smoke coming out of her ears. Grrrrr. But I know everyone doesn't think like I do and operate how I do, but come on! Give me a break!

Well, other than that little barraid, life has been good :) Nothing too exciting, just working, trying to exercise/eat healthy, and babysitting to make some extra money honey.

I've noticed lately that I've been avoiding certain situations, to avoid certain people... So I need to work on that. I just don't want to look confrontation (& certain people) in the eye. Is that so bad? I'm taking myself out of events to avoid that, rather than get all worried, worked up, mad, sad, etc. Ugh. It's just hard & I don't want to face it. In the end, I know it'd be better for me to face it & it'd help me grow as a person.

My favorite season

Ah, incredibly true these days. Well school has officially started within the past 2-3 weeks. Even if you don't have a kiddo or are out of school, it still has its effect. Ie: School traffic, Target/Walmart being sa-lammed with back to school shopping, you know, the usual.

But it does make me excited, knowing a few wonderful things are right around the corner:

1. FOOTBALL SEASON! GOOOOOO DAWGS!!!

2. Fall weather!!

3. Halloween

4. Cool air

5. Pumpkin patches

6. PSL's from Starbucks (Pumpkin Spice Lattes, love you)

7. Hoodies, Toms, jeans, scarves, etc.

8. Thanksgiving

Oh my gurdness, I cannot say how much I love Fall! It's by far my favorite time of the year.



This was my first glimpse of Fall at Kroger a few days ago :)


On a side note, I feel like I have not written in forever! My work has been soooo busy, which is definitely a good thing! I also moved about 2 weeks ago and we've just (within the past week) settled the cable/internet stuff; so I haven't been able to get on the internet too much at home. It has been going very well so far - my roomie is awesome & so is her pup, Talan! He's a 1 & 1/2 year old, 16lb chocolate cocker spaniel. Him and Halle are already BFF's :)



Hal & Tal playing tug of war at 7am :)



It's great to be out on my own again, but man, I'm definitely feeling the "watch your money" feeling! My friend Sarah recently said to me in reference to finances: "God will provide". I know He will, but probably not if I keep going out to eat and treating myself to mani/pedi's! Ah... I'm going to miss that! :( But honestly, I can do them at home for freeeee! I think I'll get used to a certain budget, once we get our monthly bills/utilities. Aaaah, happy last week of August! :)

Bumming Thursday

Merp... I'm not sure why but I am so bummed/sad today. My heart hurts :( I'm literally going to list out possible causes of this, well... because that seems like the most sensible thing to do right now.

1. First Love: I unpacked, read/looked through and threw away notes, pictures & momentos from my highschool sweetheart, Aaron. No biggie, right? Riiiiight... I have no feelings for him anymore and the whole nine (he's even married now!). But reading things he wrote me was just sad b/c we were soooo in love with each other. He wrote things like, "I can't wait to spend the rest of my life with you", "You're my everything", "You make me want to be a better person", etc. It made me happy & sad in a way, that I was "that person" to someone - happy, but sad that I'm not anymore. This was literally 10 years ago, when I was 18. I just hope I make someone that happy in the future.
2. Possums: Last night at about midnight, I heard our dogs barking outside (we have a fenced in backyard & doggie door). I was annoyed, but thought, "It can't go on for too long, right?!" - WRONG! It went on for what seemed like forever, so I went downstairs & opened the back door & called the dogs inside. They quickly came in... heads down... and wouldn't look at me... I thought they felt guilty for waking me up. Oh, well that's okay pup dawgs, I still love you. Well, I start walking towards the stairs to go to my room, when I see a dark, little thing on the carpet in our living room. I'm thinking, "Oh Lord, please let that be a sock" - something non-gross. I turned on a light and there, all curled up, was a dead baby possum :( Heart break!! :( It was about the size of my palm. I look at our one dog, Buddy (who's head was hung the lowest), and literally said, "What the crap Buddy?! You can't kill baby possums!!" So I got it in the trash & took it out, ugh. I find out in the morning that my sister found ANOTHER baby possum in the house & my mom found TWO MORE! WTH?!?!?! So that is a total of 4 dead baby possums in our house. That makes me sad. You know that mama possum is gonna get revenge on us...
3. Parents: I'm moving this Saturday and thank the Lord, my big sis is gonna help. We're getting a U-Haul and are going to do the whole bit. I'm bummed because my parents are going camping this weekend... My mom said she didn't "want to be in our way". :( I found this out because I had invited her over on Saturday, to see my new place; she had previously said how excited she was to see it. I feel guilty for my feelings being hurt over this... but my stepdad has a big truck and they're going camping?!?! They could've let me borrow his truck, instead of renting a U-Haul! :( He usually works all day Saturday and that's why I hadn't previously asked for his help - my bad I guess.
4. Moving: Also with this moving, I feel so alone honestly. I feel like none of my friends will be around on this day: some are going on a singles retreat, on vacation, etc. Or maybe I don't have as many friends as I thought I did?? I just know when some of my friends move, I try to help or at least be there. My sister and I can handle the moving, but I guess it's just the support that I miss. I think this is especially sad because my parents are going camping and pretty much saying, "See ya! Have fun with moving!" :( I know, pity party for me. I need to get over it.
5. Weight: Haha, number 5. I went over to a babysitting families house yesterday and Tuesday to cat/house sit. I went to use their restroom and weighed myself (which I haven't done in a good while). I've gained weight!! :( I shouldn't be surprised though - there IS a reason why my pants are incredibly tight and I don't feel good about myself. Sigh... sucks... I used to do Weight Watchers (Spring 2011). I started out at about 160 & went down to 147-ish. I stopped going because I couldn't go to the meetings every Thursday (my small group met that night) and the $40/month seemed like it could be spent elsewhere. = Bad idea. Last night I weighed 158 :( No one to blame but myself. My hopes are to jack up my exercise (walking) once I move. I'm right next to The Greenway (a big trail nearby), so I'm figuring I'll get home from work & take my Halle girl there (she's my black lab fyi). This is all me though and I have to work at it. Weight doesn't come off just by hoping it will or getting down on yourself. It is hard as hail, but I know I can do it. Oh, and driving home, I was starving, so I got a #1 & a Coke from Chick-Fil-A = HELLO!?!?! I love how I make excuses for myself and tell myself, "well I deserve to eat out!" - Hail no you don't! Well I can, but it's all about choices and what I choose to eat. I definitely could've gotten a grilled chicken sandwich (minus the fries), fruit & a water. But... I got the fried chicken sandwich, fries & a soad. Nuff said. 

So this is all for now! Life could be a hail of a lot worse. I need to count my lucky stars. Life goes on and so will I. I'm sure people could read this and say, "Really? That's why you're sad?! Get over it!" So, I will :) Muah!

How I make that money honey!

Aaaah... I love my job.

I haven't always loved my jobs either. This is the first job that I've ever looked forward to going to on Sunday nights. I look forward to getting there, getting my coffee and going through work emails. It's the people here and the business itself, that make it all worthwhile.

I work for a company called CarterBaldwin Executive Search Firm that is located in Roswell, Georgia. I'm an Administrative Assistant (started in February 2012) and will hopefully move up to the Research department with time. The company works with other business, colleges, non-profits, etc. to look for upper-level management. It's more "executive search" which is C-level (CEO's, CFO's, etc.), Presidents, Vice Presidents, etc. We find that "one needle in the haystack" that a company is looking for. It's amazing to see how the company works; before I was hired, I never knew there was such a thing!

The people here are just glorious! They work so hard and are so dedicated, but they are humans too and love to laugh and share life with one another. This job will definitely be my career and not a 'job' that I came across. I actually came across it one day last January/February - I wrote on Facebook that if anyone knew of any job openings, keep me in mind, etc. My friend, Holly, messaged me and told me her Dad's company was hiring, so she sent me the job description. Holly and I worked together at Chick-Fil-a when we were in high school (10 years ago - AH!) :)

And so here I am and I'm so in love. I don't ever want to leave :)

Grandma Louise in Tennessee

This past weekend I went to Franklin, TN with my girl Jen, to visit our friend Jamie who had recently moved up there. We had a blast in a glass type of weekend! Just a total girl weekend filling with good food, good drinks, shopping, the new Dark Knight Rises movie and good girl time!

Side note: My Grandma Louise is my mom's mom, who passed away November 2007. She was the light of our life and the head woman of the family, above our own mama. We found out she had cancer that Fall, but it had gone so far and she didn't want to go through any kind of treatment (she was 82). So we moved her from Columbia, SC to my aunt's house in Decatur, GA, so my aunt (who could work from home) could take care of her & make her comfy as possible. Grandma was just hilarious and that grandma that you couldn't wait to see. She always loved us - always. She spoiled us to death, but made us feel so special and loved. When we would drive up to see her in SC, Grandma had a tendency of still being in her nightgown at 4pm :) with curlers in her hair of course (a woman of my own heart!). She liked to "take her time" with things, as do I :) I remember she used to always wear these house dresses; they were almost like dressed-up nightgowns, that you could maybe wear outside... but they were really nightgowns :)

Anywho, we were shopping pretty much all day on Saturday in Nashville and I saw at least 3 women who reminded me of grandma. One woman in particular, we saw her in the mall bathroom. She had white hair and was taller than my grandma was, but she totally had a pink house dress on and little shoes! She was carrying her purse in her hand and went to each stall, looking at the toilets lol. She said out loud, "These are just too low. I need a higher one. The one in my house is higher than these!". Poor thing! She needed a higher toilet! There was another older woman in there powdering her nose and she turned and pretty much said, "I know, right?!" :) Awww loved it.

I happened to tell my own mom about this instance and about the other women who reminded me of grandma. My mom had had some wine (never sure how much), but she just stared at me. I couldn't tell if she was sad, happy or about to cry. I told her about the dress/nightgown the woman was wearing and the whole toilet comments. She looked at me and said, "Was it pink??" - IT WAS! It was just too crazy that she said that!! My mom immediately perked up and said, "I have grandma's nightgown, do you want to see it?". She had never told me that she's kept this specific nightgown (this was actually the one that she was wearing, when she passed away). It didn't look quite like the one I saw on the lady in the bathroom, but it was definitely pink.

My mom and I sat there and smelled the nightgown; it smelled like grandma. My mom said she keeps it wrapped up in one of my grandpa's sweatshirts he used to wear. Who would've known that a smell of someone could comfort someone so much. I saw a little change in my mom - a little bit of sadness, but happiness and calmness too. She thanked me so much for telling me that and said, "Thank you for loving me. I'm so glad I got you." :) I was trying to not make her cry this whole time and said, "Well you've got me and I got you!" :)

This is the closest picture I could find, to this magical pink nightgown. Excluding the creepy manican and the collar on the dress, this is it :)

To drive or not to drive?

As you may know, I'm on EH and have been talking to a few guys on there (not sooo many, but you know). I connected with one guy & talked to him for about 2 weeks or so, & we ended up meeting for dinner last Sunday night. It was fine & went ok, but there was no chemistry from his end. It is a little kick in the pants - someone telling you they don't have a spark with you. But I've had that feeling about other guys before! They may be really good looking, but nothing is there. You either have those feelings or ya don't. I really appreciated his honesty though; just for the sake of not holding on & moving on. He lived too far away anyways. On that note...

I've really connected with this other guy named John from Greenville, SC (I know, I know, another state). He is a musician (horn, piano, orchestra stuff - seeking a career with a symphony... he must be smart), he was in the military (went to Afghanistan & everything), Godly man, grew up in AZ, he's 28... and I'm sure I'll think of some more stuff. But he seems like a great guy: really laid back, loves to travel, kind, relaxed, etc. We've talked on the phone and texted; our phone convo was a little over an hour, felt really comfortable talking to him, interesting etc. He is on the west coast for about a week, having interviewed in Phoenix for the symphony out there.

So he texted me this yesterday afternoon:

"Driving back to Phoenix this Friday and back to SC this Monday. What do you think about getting together when I get back?"

I told him I'd be up for it...

"Excellent, what's your schedule like a week from this Friday night?"

Making plans ahead of time, I like it! I told him I didn't have any plans.

"Just so you're aware I don't have a vehicle at the moment since I sold mine to my bro. Would you be open to meeting up where I live in Greenville that Friday night & spend some time together during the day on Saturday that way we can have more time getting to know each other? I'll get a hotel room for you too :) Just let me know what sounds good to you!"

I told him that I'd think about it... that's a pretty big deal to me - driving to another state & staying over night. I've seen waaaaaay too many 20/20 ~ Dateline episodes about a situation like this going wrong.

"I'm flexible. I can probably borrow my sister's car & meet you in Atlanta Friday night. Whatever's good for you!"

So is this something to question or worry about? - Driving up there to see him? I dont even know how far it'd be... I did like how he said he could also use his sister's car to meet me. I felt that was sweet, to offer up another option so everything wouldn't be on me. So that convo was last night & I texted him today to tell him that I was still thinking about/trying to figure it out. I had thought if I were to drve up there, I could ask my big sis to tag along for the ride & the hotel stay :) No one would mess with me if she was there ;) She'd whoop some ass! I even offered to meet him maybe halfway. So I told him that & he responded...

"Actually, I can just meet you in Atlanta a week from this Friday night. What time is good for you?"

Whew... So no 2+ hour drive for me. Of course that'd be fun, but maybe not on a first meeting with someone. That'd be too nerve-racking for me & not near home! I guess too, I hate to say it, but I'm not getting my hopes up for anything (from the last meeting with a guy). Haha, I'm almost counting on him not having chemistry with me, like the last one. I know I can't think like that and can't count on that. But if I don't meet him, I'll never know. I feel like it takes a lot to put myself out there, so why not - what do I have to lose? I might be surprised!

Something in your tone...

Girls, trust your gut & don't let yourself be treated any less than what you deserve.

So I joined EH (E-Harmony) and have not had such great luck. Boo. But no worries, it's actually been picking up a little this week! I'm in noooo hurry for anything, but figured let's see what happens...

I would love to shoot for someone who is my age or a bit older... 28-35ish? Of course, I get a bunch of 26 year olds and a few 28's... I think there may be a 33 in there too. Age is just a number baby, right? Haha, not in this case...

So I am was talking to this guy (I won't use his real name, but started with a "D" and ends in "anny") and we got to the last step of emailing. (I believe he is 26 btw) Anywho, I notice his emails are just short and frankly... retarded to be honest. In one, he talked about how he was "recovering from the night before" - normal enough. But then he proceeds to tell me that he was in line at the bar and a girl comes up to him, lifts her dress and starts booty dancing on him....... Why the f- would you share that with me? Oh well, it was a good laugh, but kinda random. If that happened to me, I'd probably try to leave that out of the convo, just sayin. He also asked me when my last relationship was - I told him about... 2-3 months? So he went in on the whole, "Ooooo I see, lookin' for a rebound huh?? ;)" ... Ugh... sure... but no, not really, not at all jackass. Ewww. And here is the finale kicker: I asked what he was looking for in a girl, physically, personality-wise, morally, etc. He responds with... (of course, I should've seen this coming) "I'm a big ass and legs guy ;) How about you?" Hmmm...

Kinda disappointed, but lets be honest, I saw that one coming right off the bat. He honestly reminded me of my ex, just with his jackass bluntness and sexual comments. Haha, so me, the old, 28 year old that I am, I respond: "Wow haha, you and I may not be one the same level of this: You may be too young for me or I may be too old for you". He responds with, "Well if you're already having doubts, there's no sense in continuing this". Well said boosh! So I smile to myself (because I was proud I didn't give in to his "I'm an ass man myself") and close the match - aka I won't see him anymore & he can't contact me. (Sigh...) So this is a prime example of why I need to look at some older gents!

I'm actually talking to two guys (email) who seem really great, want to get to know me, tell me about themselves and actually haven't exchanged numbers yet - so I will report back soon how all of that is going. Maybe I should ask them if their ass-men or...? Ha!

Hump Day Holiday!

Happy 4th of July / Independence day everybody! Hope it was a great one! It was so nice having a day off during the week, but I have to admit, I feel a little tricked too... today should be Sunday and I should be at home either sleeping or laying in bed drinking coffee watching the tube. But it's Thursday - so I work today and tomorrow and then it's the weekend! So ya can't beat that!

This is the worst picture - I can't get any of my pics to flip right-side-up on my blog! HELP! Anywho, I painted my nails red, white & blue. Took this while I was driving (Don't worry - was at a red light!)

I had a great day yesterday! I spent a few hours with ma' gurl Jen at the pool - we had great gurl talk, sun, Skinny Girl drinks and Twizzlers (AKA my new obsession, thanks Shell)! Those little red things are addictive! We then watched some tv to cool down from the heat and then went to dinner at On the Border = YUM! After that, we were pretty beat & decided to head home to our beds! The sun really showed us who's boss! We both got some sun, laughs & good talks - so it was a success!

Me & Shell :)

Our Skinny Girl drinks! I liked the margartia one over the pina colada!

So far this morn, I've had 3 cups of coffee. I'm tired, sore (not sure why, this girl didn't run the Peachtree!), and sunburned on my upper back. I forgot that my back was exposed yesterday and paid no mind to it! It's not even an "even" sun burn; I always get the damn splotchy/spotty sunburn. Blast!

This is me at work right now. I'm very sad to be up so early.

Happy Thursday! God Bless America and everyone who fights for our freedom! <3

For the ladies

My lovely small group is doing a study on a series called, "Boy Meets Girl", by Louie Giglio from Passion City Church. We've done the first sermon/week one and I LOVE it! It's wonderful and a great reminder of what us ladies deserve. I've already started listening to the second week and I'm just amazed. It's pretty common sense stuff; we're all like, "Oh yeah, yeah"... but when you really listen to it and take it to heart, it means a whole lot more.

Here are some notes I took that I'd like to share: (They're random & spiratic, just FYI)

~God is at the heart of it all.

~Let God put in your heart and mind, a dream of what He is imagining for you.

~YOU have intrinsic value because you were created in the image of God & made in the likeness of God.

This is so true & a reality check for me especially :)
~You are not valuable because of how many friends you have on Facebook, how many people follow you on Twitter, how your hair looks, what kind of car you drive, your accomplishments, how much money you make in a year, etc.

~We can lose sight of how valuable we are, because when we get into relationships, we seek value & acceptance from that other person.

~Ladies: We have "off-the-charts" value!

~See the beauty & value in everyone. Look through the God lense; not the cultural lense.

~Turn the "scam meter" off and the "thank you Jesus meter" on.

~The man's role is to pursue and lead.

~Girls still want a guy who will go through a wall for them. :) (True!)

~We can wear "newness" in place of that brokenness we have in our lives.

~Before any boy meets any girls, boy & girl needs to meet Jesus and love Him first.

~Don't marry any man who is not in love with Jesus!

Step 1: First & foremost, before starting any relationship or even really thinking about it, is to...

Follow Jesus

Can ya dig it? Yessss...

Coveting

So I finally convinced myself to stay for church service this past Sunday, and I'm so glad that I did. I usually volunteer with kids at 9am and then head home, missing the sermon for that day. They are doing a series called, "Age of Kings", and I missed week one, but yesterday was week 2. Here is a little of what it was about and how we can relate it to our owns lives (these are just some of the notes I took):

Have you ever wanted something soooo bad? And you dont even see it coming, it just pops up! Getting your heart set on something & being consumed. Ahab wanted a vegetable garden on land that wasn't his (1 Kings 21:1-5). What starts out as a "want" turns into a "need" which = coveting. Now when I first heard this word, I thought it meant infidelity... I just looked it up and it means to yearn to posses or have something. Also to wish for longingly. Who hasn't had those feelings before? The pastor was saying how coveting was the "gateway sin". Ahab pouted about not being able to do this, so he & his wife/lady Jezebell made it happen. I definitely need to read more about it, but I think they had to kill some peeps to get what they wanted. Messed up!

This whole sermon really helped me out. The so-called answer is to confess this to God and pray, just asking for help with coveting, whatever it is. In my case lately, I don't feel like its the actual guy that I want - maybe its the attention or that feeling that someone likes to talk to you/spend time with you? It's that chemistry and that connection that I miss, having with a guy. I think I got a glimpse of that, but a very short one. I just need to pray and ask God to turn me in a new direction.

This is a question the pastor asked: Is it worth it to shrink your life down to that thing?

Noooo. It's not. Of course it's not! But sometimes my feelings feel like a separate part of me that I can't control; but we all know that's not true. I'm the only one who can have a hold on my feelings. But man, it seems so hard and like running into a brick wall. I think I just feel like I wasn't good enough or lost at something. Not pretty enough, not skinny enough etc etc of course, all the usuals. There was just something that happened that made my self confidence shrink.

Aaaaah... Life DOES go on. Time heals all my wounds, big and small. At least I just had chocolate cake with my fam. And good chocolate cake - the chocolate ganache from Publix! :)





Can I just say...

Can I just say how incredibly frustrated I am with E-Harmony? I thought I'd give it a shot, not hoping for too much, but you never know, right? It was just a "shot-in-the-dart" moment I had to try... but reeeeally?? Really?? Is this what I'm comparable with?!?! I'm not saying I'm a 10, but c'mon! Give a girl some slack! I'm not super picky at all, but... yeah. You have to at least be attracted to someone, to start any kind of relationship. They don't even have to be "hot" or "sexy" - I love a cute guy! So this is an example of what I've been getting back on EH:

I am SURE that Michael from Athens is the biggest sweetheart, but not the sweetheart for me unfortunately.

And may I just say that I am AWFUL at taking pictures of myself?!?! I try so hard to get good makeup and hair ones, but man, I can't get it! Apparently my arms don't reach far enough back to get good ones. This is the best one (yet) of one of my messy buns:

My hair looks auburn/red in this one. Well duh, that's because I dyed it back in May. I miss my brown hair though :( I've gotten so many compliments on the red color, but it's just not me.

Also, my Spanx, God love them, but man, when I take them off:

1) I look like I've been bitten by a shark (That big thick line indented down my stomach) and

2) Holy sweat! Ugh!

Oooooo! So I have a non-complaint! :) I got a light-bulb moment on Monday 6/18/12 I believe it was... and I want to go on some sort of mission trip through my church. I've always thought it'd be awesome, but have never pursued it. I got the light-bulb moment, just sitting here at work, and immediately pulled up my church's website and started looking. I describe my "light-bulb" moments as maybe a calling from God or a little tap on the shoulder from Him. I love getting those! :)

So any who, I have to first apply for a trip and then get accepted. I can't apply yet, until I've applied for a passport - so that is in the works (I got my passport picture taken yesterday - whee!). But the first available trip I could go on (if I am accepted) is to South Africa in January 2013. I'd feel pretty good with going anywhere; I'd feel like wherever God wants me to serve is where I'll be placed. So that is pretty flippin' awesome to even think about. I'm not scared at all and am pretty excited! I just feel that this is the thing I need to concentrate on right now and NOT who my next crush will be! There are such bigger things in life, than worrying about guys - I have to remind myself of that DAILY! I said in an earlier blog that I needed to "shake things up" in my life and I tell ya, I think this is it! :)

Just the girls

My heart feels pretty big tonight. I have two wonderful girlfriends in my life (code names Wo & Shell) and they really impacted my day today. They always do, but I really needed them today & they were both right there. There aren't too many people in life that you can be your true self around & let your guard down. I just thank the Lord for them; they are true angels to me! Sometimes I feel undeserving of their friendship, but I'm really so blessed to have them in my life. :)

Just some random thoughts for the day: 1. I'm "meh" about the new Dallas on TNT. Just can't get into it. (Probably all the reality tv I'm hooked on!) 2. My IPad will not "enter" and separate lines. Just sayin, it's him, not me. 3. I Nair-ed my upper lip tonight. Step on up guys! Ha ha. Haaa... 4. I'm slowly getting to that season of life, where all I want to do is read blogs, do my makeup, hair, and nails. Of course it mainly happens while I'm at work - no offense awesome job. 5. I am so ready for something incredible to happen in my life. Who doesn't want that though, right? I need to be shaken up a bit!

Hey, it's okay!

First things first, I totally just saw this on a blog & thought, "What a cute idea!". So I wouldn't say I necessarily stole this idea... just admirably borrowing it? No harm, no foul in my book - just spreading the love. Actually got this from this hilarious girl's blog:

iamhellonheels.blogspot.com/

Here goes!

This is this week's, "Hey, it's okay..."

• It's okay if you take four naps in one day. Seriously, when was the last time you did that, when you were 2?!?! Embrace it!! Especially if it is on a rainy day - it's reeeeally okay then!
• It's okay if you can't WAIT for the movie, "Magic Mike", to come out in theaters (June 29th people, happy birthday to me!) I know ladies are excited for it to come out, but I feel like I'm on a different level of excitement...
• It's also okay if you feel a little guilty pleasure watching all those durrrty shows! The Client List on Lifetime, Real Housewives of OC/NYC/NJ on Bravo!, and The Bachelorette on ABC. Really, where else can we take the focus out of our own lives and focus in on someone else? = FUN!
• I guess it's okay if I'm re-thinking that line I just wrote above... not to be sooo serious, but I/we can all take time to submerge and focus on our God. Helloooo... duh.
• It's okay if when I see a woman walk into my office with an Edible Arrangement, for 5 seconds, I think it is from my secret admirer. I don't even have a secret admirer, lesbihonest! Every time I see a delivery of flowers, balloons, fruit, etc. I think, "Gasp! This is it! It's for me, from someone who things I'm wonderful!!" Aaaah a girl can dream! Maybe one day...

Have a wonderful Monday errbody! Now it's time to go eat some yummy fruit! (Don't worry, my co-worker offered her Edible Arrangement to everyone!)

What a weak week!

Well to start things off, I'm not sure if my week could get any crappier. Let's be honest, it could; I'm a very lucky girl for what I have & need to stop sulking over it. But dang! What shit this week!! :( The first part of the week - I'm slowly, but surely bringing my head out of the ground for that one. I definitely feel like this is a movie & I am the overweight girl that the studly guy befriends, and talks to about the girl he is smitten with. I'm not even kidding! If he was gay, he would be my gay best friend. We talk all the time, have a lot in common, etc. I feel like Patty Stanger, the matchmaker. Can guys & girls be good/best friends without any romantic feelings being involved?? Who knows, maybe he can set me up with someone! So that was mainly Monday that all happened (read previous blog for full story). Last night, Tuesday night, I was about to fall asleep & I hear a big crash downstairs. I jump up, throw my shorts on (I'm a t-shirt girl in the bed) & race downstairs. It's dark, but can see the dogs & my mom turning the corner. I say, "Are you okay?!?!" and she continues to scurry around the corner. I know she heard me, even if she didn't see me. She scurried to her room & I turned on a light to see if I could figure out what happened. Sure enough, there was scattered glass on the hardwood floor and a broken picture frame. I'm not sure what happened, but I am 100% positive she was drunk. I'm guessing she ran into the table & knocked it over. Fact is, she left glass all over the floor, right where our dogs could've stepped on it. I don't know if she was embarrassed and didn't want to face me or what. So I cried for a while and texted two friends until about midnight. I am beyond frustrated with the drinking. I seriously don't understand addiction, but it has got to hell to stop something like that. She's tried to stop (or at least watch her quantity) before & been successful; but it always comes back. I'm so mad about it because she admits she drinks too much, but then continues to drink a bottle of wine a night. I don't know if she wants to get better? I feel like I'm watching her kill herself. I especially love how I see this, get upset & then think the best think for me to do is have a drink. Fucked up, right? My mom's dad was a violent alcoholic & she seems to be a functioning alcoholic (praise God not violent). So where does that leave my sister, brother and myself? Will this be one of us in 20 years?? I pray to God that it won't be and that we can "learn" from this. Is it genetic though - I'm sure that may have a hand in this. It is the most helpless feeling to see someone you love so much go through this. Especially a parent. So this has been my week. Things happen in 3's right? So what will happen today...

Wine for dinner?

Sigh... This is one of those days where I contemplate drowning my sorrows in wine. I have the worst way of getting my hopes up high. And over things that someone on the outside would say, "Amy, let's be serious. You don't have a chance in hell". I have come to have a crush (I know, I know) on someone. Just something about having a "crush". The feelings I've felt this past week are totally foreign to me; I haven't had them since literally 2009 (or what I can think). It's just that feeling that someone (who seems) amazing, may like you. Butterflies is an understatement. So pretty much, I think he told me today that he is interested in my girlfriend and not myself. I should be relieved if anything, because in all reality, I just got out of a relationship. I know I need time for me, but I miss having those feelings for someone. I miss being excited seeing a text from them or smiling ear to ear after seeing them. God love my ex, but I'm now seeing that I didn't have those type of feelings for him. I hate that too. That wasn't fair to him or myself. I think I got to the point where I thought, "I guess this is what it's supposed to be like". I had always dated the so-called bad boys before my ex, and when I met him, I thought that was it - just because he was such a Godly, trustworthy guy. I just feel a fool tonight, for letting myself get so wrapped up. I guess it is the attention and it makes you feel good and like you're worth something. I could've literally walked off a cliff earlier today haha. I have to keep my God as my #1 and let no guy/man get in the way of that. That is so much easier said than done, but I have to remind myself of that. And don't worry, I had baked spaghetti for dinner, not wine. :D

MD Holiday Monday Funday

So this past weekend was Memorial Day. It was good to remember all of those who have fought for our freedom and the ones who are still fighting. What a brave life they lead. I couldn't even imagine. They are real-life superheros.

I was lucky enough to have the day off on Monday (yesterday) and was able to head to the park with some friends, that I have met before, but never really get to hang out with. I had THE best time! I really needed a day like that. I laughed a ton, ate chicken & threw the football around. That's a good day for me :)

I also started feeling like a giddy school girl around one of the guys. He was just super funny and we just seemed to have the same interests. Not too bad on the eyes either, hi-yo! But it hasn't even been a month since my last relationship, so not saying anything, just sayin... It was outstanding to have that feeling. I smiled the whole way home. Not counting on anything with it, but again, it was just amazing to feel that way again. It's been way too long that I've felt like that. I miss that feeling. Aaaaaaaaaah. Girls, you know what I'm talking about.

Here is the link to the park we went to:

http://www.sandyspringsga.org/City-Departments/Recreation-and-Parks/Parks-and-Facilities/Morgan-Falls-Overlook-Park

It was ah-mazing! I think it's pretty new; very clean, on a lake, fire pits, grills, etc.

Some people just disappoint the hell out of me. And by some people, I mean guys. Every form of them: the nice ones, the assholes, etc. Maybe I'm just expecting too much. Or maybe I'm expecting some kind of fairy tale to happen. I could really go for a Noah from The Notebook right now. Now he was a charmer and I don't think he'd disappoint :D Aaaaaah. I will dream about it.

Movin' on up

Sooo... I may be moving this summer! Hooray! A friend of mine got in touch with me last week, about possibly being roommates. She's someone who I've chatted with a handful of times, but don't know in-depth, 100% well. But we have a lot of the same friends and she's good people! :D

It'd be a lot closer to work (plus!), closer to church & other friends too. We're going to meet tonight, also with the girl who owns the home, to chit chat about it all. We're going to go to dinner and then go to the house (Yay!). I totally had a stalker moment last Sunday and drove by the neighborhood! Maria (possible roomie) had given me the general location, so I wanted to see if I could find it, what it looked like, etc. CUTEST little neighood ever! Cute little sidewalks, two-car garages, long driveways & a pool! :D I don't know the exact house either, so it wasn't completely stalker-ish in my defense. The homes and neighborhood look so great on the outside; I'm curious to see what they look like on the inside. I hope it works out... I have a good feeling about it. But it's also cautiuos too - just living with someone I don't know extremely well (may be a good thing though & she is super cool, honest, etc.) and moving on my own in general. But I need that!

She would be bringing her doggie too! So Halle would have a new friend :) It will probably be either June, July or August that I'd move. So we'll see...!

I'm feeling better about the boys-guys-men situation in my life. For about 2 weeks, I felt like I desperately needed to be kissed well! Haha, I do, but seriously, my lips are still going to be available in the next couple of months. They're not going anywhere and there's no time limit on it lol. I'm feeling more settled with my single-ness. It's still weird, but getting more used to it I guess. I'm not so on edge & concerend about guys like I have been the past few weeks. Whatever happens will happen. I want to put my efforts in other things right now and just have fun, be footloose and fancy free as they say. Summer is approaching... just sayin' :D

Fun Saturday, Sad Saturnight

Had the best day today with my girl Jen! We walked, shopped, ate lunch & saw, "What to Expect When You're Expecting". Soooo cute and a great Atlanta movie! We saw a store in the movie, that we had been in earlier in the day! Awesome representing! Soooo... It's the Saturnight, that's hard tonight. Almost feeling down & out, & desperate to be honest. Not desperate for anything, just lonely in a way I guess. I miss talking to someone on the way home. I always called him driving home. I miss that. And of course I saw pictures of him on FB tonight, from a race earlier today. It's just that hard time I guess. I could really use a Magic Mike right now to cheer me up :D and he's gotta wear a bow tie & dance! I feel sometimes like asking myself, who am I kidding? Sometimes I feel so confident, but really? Should I? I have no sense of myself sometimes, if that makes any sense. I realize I'm not as small as other girls & not every guy I think is attractive, will think that I'm attractive. Meh. Clearly it's a pity party for me tonight. I know it'll get better & better nights are ahead of me. We can't always have things, right when WE want them. It's truly not all about guys either. (I have to remind myself of that a lot lately) I do need to keep my God at #1 and everything else will fall into place.

Gotta get down on Friday

I'm having a weird day today. It's one of those days where you have an allergy attack (sinus related), have sneezed about 20-30 times by 3pm, and sneeze so hard that your drooling and peeing in your pants. Bring on the single men! Haha, wow! I can't help it though! I'm praying this allergy business doesn't last through the afternoon to this evening. I'm going to my small group leaders wedding (Katie!) and I'm excited beyond words! The whole small group is going to be there! All at once! This is like, the pinnacle of my life right now :) What am I going to do after this wedding? What will I have to look forward to?!?! I'm so ecstatic that Katie has found Mr. Right. I can relate to her because we've both dated some not-so-great guys in our past; so we both know what that's like. It gives me hope that I can find 'the one' one day. At least the one for me - not perfect by any means - but perfect for me.

I really want to put a hose up my nose right now :( Hopefully this stuff will fade by tonight. I have a lot of dancing, smiling and laughing to do tonight :) Love ma' girls!!

The Breakup

So, he and I finally, actually broke up a few days ago. I had and still have the biggest, heaviest feeling, that it was the right thing to do. I guess I do feel like I have a weight lifted off of my shoulders. Not that the "weight" was him, but I guess just the fighting, arguing, nit-picking (on my part), etc. I'm going okay, but when I try to start to think about things and him, I almost start to panic, so I have to quickly think about something else. It's very weird and numbing - breakups. Even if it's for the best or what you wanted, it's still so hard. That other person becomes like your other half (or at least to me he was like that). He was my go-to guy, my buddy, my friend. My heart hurts that I've lost all of that. But I know we couldn't have broken up and still remained friends or talk every day.

One thing that is crazy and ridiculous to do, is to change your relationship status on Facebook. Good Lord, I shake my head at that. I mean, it's so silly, but you feel obligated to do it. He did it first, so I followed the next day. A few people messaged me and said that they were praying for me, which was really sweet and kind. Of course, I get the one from someone who I never see and when I do it's very "surface" talk. She/he said in the message, "Oh my gosh Amy, I saw your post! What happened?!?!" ... What the crap do you think happened?? And honestly, it's none of your business! Why in the world would I share with them, when I see them maybe... twice a year? If a good friend asked me that, of course, I'd spill the beans, but c'mon! Grrrr. It's just annoying and stupid.

I feel like I'm kind of floating around right now. Everyone has said that I seem to be doing so well with all of this. I guess I'm just trying to stay busy with other things and not think about it; because when I start thinking/analyzing it, I start to almost panic. Thank GOD for my girlfriends and my family. Close girl friends and my small group girls = love! They have been so sweet and just been there for me through all of this, checking up on me, planning girls nights, etc. I would definitely be lost without them. <3

I'm a ...

Wow. I feel like such a b- this morning. I actually got mad over walking out to flowers on my car. I was running late anyways and that was my excuse for, "Oh geez, I gotta find a vase, put these in water, etc!". How un-grateful am I?? The flowers came along with a ziploc bag full of cards I had previously given "him", a 1-song cd he made for me and a little note. He said he couldn't sleep in the note, so I'm guessing he either came late in the night or early this morning.

I guess the real reason I'm upset is because we talked for a long time last night - like 3 different times - and each time we were both crying. He has some things he wants to try, but I've already thrown my hands up in the air and given up. I don't feel like he's understanding that either and I'm probably not saying  it very clearly either. I told him if anything, I need to work on myself, need some space, etc. His response: "I don't see why we can't work on ourselves, together". He wants to go to church together and put this relationship back around Christ. I'VE BEEN WANTING TO DO THIS FOR THE PAST 6 MONTHS!!! Sorry. It's just frustrating because I've been trying to "work" on things and "wait it out" for about 6 months now, and he's juuust now getting it - that things aren't working out well. I told him that and that I feel like we are on two seperate pages, I'm two steps ahead of him, etc. He's at the point where he's saying, "I'll do anything to fix this" etc.

I just feel smothered and I'm completely exhausted. I need a vacay for about a month or two. Beach preferred.

Sunday Funday!

So it's Sunday and I have so much to do, but I feel like this needs to be a fun-ass day. Gotta do laundry, grocery shopping and such; but I wanna paint my nails sparkly pink, go on a bike ride & drink a marg outside. I got surprised yesterday and was invited out for a marg with one of my small group girls, Kylie. It was so nice & fun! I feel like we both needed it!! :) So, of course, I want to do that again today haha! Kylie and I have never really hung out on our own, so yesterday was perfect. We shared a lot, laughed a lot and "cheers"d to sucky boys :) I do feel like this weekend is a new-ish start for me. I dyed my hair Friday night... It's a dark, auburn red color. Apparently it's not so subtle either! Everyone I run into immediately looks & says, "Did you do something to your hair?!?!" Man!! It's usually not that obvious with me! But I'm stoked about it :) I do have a habit of changing my hair color, when something in my life changes (read earlier post). I'm ready for what's ahead of me, whatever it is. Church is about to start (totally writing in church), so Happy Sunday! :)

End of a chapter

Breakups are always hard - especially for me. I've always been the one getting dumped and have always tried to hold on to someone as long as I can. Of course because I love them and care about them, even if things aren't working. Maybe it's the fear of not wanting to be alone? Who knows. But that's been me for the past 10 years or so (however long I've been dating).

But this time, I almost feel guilty for how I feel and how "okay" I am with things. I feel like I've felt this way for months now, and maybe that's why it's a little easier. I have a pretty clear view on things and just a strong feeling that this "isn't it". It's heartbreaking though, because you become part of that person's family and we've been together almost two years. I don't regret anything, but I wonder to myself... So what have I been doing the past two years and why is this happening? Maybe we should've known sooner? He even said he had so many doubts our first year and almost walked away a few times... Maybe he should have?

I've honestly been through a lot worse than this one. I guess this is just different because I feel like it's mainly my decision. I'm pretty ready to let go and he wants to keep trying, give us some time, etc. But I already know. :(

Ahhh... So something happened last night, that has NEVER happened before in my life. I prayed with my mama - holding hands and all, just me and her, talking to the Lord.

She's going through a hard time with her work and has a big, important meeting today. She's been so down and you can tell it is wearing on her - both physically and of course, emotionally. My mom has stated she believes in God and she even says, "I like to pray to God and Jesus, to cover all the bases!". <3 But she doesn't regularly attend church and all that jazz. I don't think that lessens your faith in God; but it helps to be involved in a church, be in a small group, etc.

I came to her last night in her room and asked if I could pray for her. I couldn't see her reaction because she had turned off the lights for bed (it was 8:30pm and yup, that's my mom), but there was a pause and she said, "I would love that". :)

I had thought about it for about 5-10 minutes while I was making my lunch for the next day - about asking to pray with her. I felt like I would've regretted it if I hadn't and I felt a strong enough feeling to ask her about it. Sometimes I feel like people need that extra prayer and comfort for one another. If it's prayer in hard times or good times - we need it. We need to be able to come to one another and lean on one another in prayer. Of course it can be awkward, but it just felt natural to do it last night. And seriously - what bad can come from it (nothing in my book!). My mama thanked me again this morning, hugged me and said, "That was just so nice last night". I wished her luck and told her to let me know how her meeting goes.

I feel too that God sometimes comes to us for us to lead other people to Him. I'm very, very passive, not a leader, more of a follower, etc. So for me to do what I did last night was HUGE thing - even if it was for my mama. It felt amazing to lead like that - just in a short, minute prayer. I hope I get the urge to do that stuff again.

Ello! So the title of this blog has two meanings for me. 1) My name happens to be Amy and 2) this is a song by the band Pure Prairie League (your parents probably know who they are). I've always loved the song and have pictured myself dancing with my father (or stepdad) for the father-daughter dance at my wedding. Well, that hasn't happened yet and not real sure when it will. I've recently become "okay" and almost more confident in the fact that I'm not married yet. Praise God that I'm not, because I surely would've married the wrong guy (you know those ;)).


I'm good with being a single, strong, confident lady/girl/woman. I'll be 28 in about two months... And that's just weird for me. I feel like I should've accomplished a lot more by now. But things take time, right? Well and just the title of this song, "What you wanna do?", well... I have no clue what I wanna do or what I'm meant to do in life. I know only God knows that, but does it take 28 years?? Maybe I have been doing/accomplishing a lot - maybe it's just been little stuff :) That makes me feel better at least.